Wtf.

A "series of events" led me to search my old blog posts for a particular post. While I did not find it, I did find this one, written almost five years go: Musing on an empty nest. 

Not much has changed, and in an already melancholy mood, that is just damn depressing. Sarah is now 23, and still lives with me, so the "empty nest" has not happened, but the feeling is much the same most of the time. She has her work, her friends, her life....and that doesn't include me for the most part...as it should be at this point. 

To make matters "worse", I retired from my full-time job, of over 30 years, three years ago. I am not complaining. It's just that I never saw this coming....I thought that retirement would be great....not having to get up every day and go to work. Not great. At least not from my point of view. As I said in the earlier post, "I don't know how to do alone". Well, it seems at this point that I don't know how to do "not working" either. You see, there's no one to spend the days with, and since I am an apartment dweller, there's no home upkeep or yard work to do. You can only clean an apartment, polish a motorcycle, do laundry so much before there's nothing to do.

I know this is true...I did one thing for over 30 years, since I was 18 years old....through lots of other stuff in life, I did one thing five days a week, fifty or so weeks a year, and I was good at it. And for 18 or so of those I had a second thing, Dad, that I was at least competent, if not "good", at. They were my "raison d'être", according to Webster, my "reason or justification for existence."

They are gone. While I am still Dad, and my usefulness as such still comes in to play now and then, it is not the same. And I still work part-time at that same 30+ year job, but it is sporadic, and not the same.

I have lost my train of thought. I don't know what to do, and that's the problem.

I just want you to understand....

We don't think we're "better" than you. The few that tarnish the badge, the uniform, don't represent the thousands of us on the streets, all over the United States, and the world, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in the rain, in the snow, in the heat....there when you call us....just as soon as we can be.

Yes, there are few that tarnish the uniform or the badge....we despise them. We do NOT stand with them....no matter what mainstream media tells you.

Yes, we do violent things sometimes. Things you do not understand. Things we walk the streets so you do not HAVE to understand.

We wear the badge, the emblem, the uniform, proudly. To paraphrase Lt. Col Dave Grossman, the badge, the shield, the patch, is a direct, intentional reference to the Knights of Old that carried their shield in their left hand to protect their hearts.

We are ready to do violence on your behalf, so you don't have to suffer. Please understand that.

#uniform #badge #knight #understand

There are no words

If this doesn't at least give you goose bumps, let alone bring a tear to your eye, you're dead inside.